Disclaimer: The information in this article about depression is based on my personal experience and opinion and is not substitute for medical advice. Please seek help from a health professional if you experience any symptoms associated with depression or anxiety.
Chris emailed his finished Masters thesis to his supervisor and then wrote a suicide note for his parents and another note for his ex-girlfriend.
But, neither his parents nor his ex-girlfriend ever read the letters.
Chris’ roommate found the letters on their kitchen table and called the campus police.
A few minutes later, just past 2 a.m., the police found Chris walking alone across the desolate campus.
The police brought Chris to the campus medical center, and also called his best friend, Tom, another graduate student in the same group.
Tom came to the medical center right away, and told the doctors that over the past six months Chris’ behavior had changed.
Chris worked 10-12 hours days to finish his thesis and he had isolated himself from the group.
He also appeared to be losing weight, but everyone thought that he was just busy writing his thesis.
No one had suspected that Chris had contemplated ending his life, especially because he was successful academically.
He finished his Master’s thesis and was a co-author on a paper, but he also mentioned casually to some of his friends that he was disappointed in the quality of his work.
He stopped exercising and eating lunch with his coworkers, and his personal relationship fell apart.
Chris didn’t think he had what it took to continue on to a PhD program, but he didn’t want to bring shame on his family by quitting graduate school.
Without realizing it, Chris started to develop symptoms of depression, and he didn’t think his life had a purpose.
Over the next few months Chris got help from his doctors to treat his depression, and he graduated with his Master’s Degree on time.
He transferred to a different university for his PhD program, and after getting his doctorate, he landed a job in industry.
Chris got the treatment he needed from his doctors, but the empathy and compassion he received from his friends and family were also crucial for his recovery.
I attended Chris’ graduation when he received his Master’s degree, and I will never forget the moment when Chris arrived at his after-party with his parents by his side.
As Tom congratulated him, Chris put his hand on Tom’s shoulder and said loud enough for all of us to hear:
“Thanks for caring Tom. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Chris Was Not Alone…and Neither Are You
To finish his Master’s thesis on time, Chris worked to the point of physical and mental exhaustion.
Due to the high pressure in academia, Chris felt his work was sub-standard, and because he stopped socializing with his friends he lost his sense of reality.
He didn’t see a point in taking care of his health or spending time with friends.
Chris felt alone and without a purpose to live for.
The reality was that he had a support network (friends, and family who really cared about him), but he lost his connection with them after he isolated himself.
His symptoms of depression came on very subtly (lack of interest in socializing, loss of appetite) and even his coworkers didn’t suspect how severe his condition was.
But, each day Chris became more frustrated with his “low quality” work, and the bleak future that awaited him if he quit graduate school after getting his Master’s degree.
Chris’ story may sound extreme, but it isn’t.
Ten years later, the university repeated the study and it too showed a very high incidence of depression among graduate students.
The study also concluded that lack of sleep was one of the top predictors of depression among graduate students.
While most universities provide support services and resources for undergraduates, there is usually no structured support system for graduate students, even though they frequently have more responsibilities than undergraduates (finances, families to provide for, part-time or full-time jobs).
You May be Creating Your Own Burnout, Even When You Are Trying to Prevent One
Everyone wants to be more productive.
No one wants to fall behind until their work piles up, and then have to work long hours to the point of exhaustion (also known as a burnout).
I remember trying to be more productive in graduate school, by getting my email “out of the way” in the morning, and doing everything others asked me to before working on my own thesis.
But, there is no such thing as getting email, and demands of others “out of the way.”
When you start your day by trying to be a “good graduate student” and responding to the demands of others, you will inevitably fall behind on your own work.
Email and other busy work not only takes up time, but it sucks away mental energy from your thesis research.
You may come to work determined to write 2 pages of a manuscript, but when you check your email the avalanche of information will send you into a reactive mode.
Before you know it, you have spent 30-60 minutes answering emails and now you feel too exhausted to focus on your writing.
You may fall behind on your writing schedule, and then try to catch up by spending longer hours at work.
When you spend long hours at work at the expense of your sleep, exercise, and time with your friends and family, you are slowly driving yourself into a cycle of burnouts, without even realizing it.
It may start out as a slight feelings of guilt for working too slowly and falling behind, but eventually you may question whether it is even worth finishing your degree.
What can you do if you are caught up in a cycle of exhaustion and self-doubt?
Make your health your number one priority in your life.
If you are always exhausted, you cannot take care of your family, and you cannot be productive at work.
Sleep, good nutrition, and exercise are not luxuries; they are essential for your well-being.
Take care yourself the way you would take care of the person you love the most.
Eat the healthiest foods you can, go on a run or take a walk when you have a free 30 minutes, and eliminate late night time-sinks (TV/internet/email) so you can go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
Your body doesn’t lie. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Call a friend when you feel stuck or if you need help handling a tough situation.
Sometimes just hearing another person’s perspective or talking through a problem will help you to get back on track.
Second, make your thesis your number one priority at your work.
The emails in your inbox will always be there, and probably none of them are urgent (if there is an emergency you will get a phone call).
You don’t have to be a “good graduate student” and please everyone to finish your thesis.
Your committee will only approve your thesis if it is high quality research.
No one cares how quickly you responded to emails, how detailed your responses were, and how much you engaged in social media.
Instead focusing on “getting things out of the way” in the morning, start your day by asking yourself: “What is the most important thing I need to do today to make progress on my thesis?”
This slight shift in your mindset, can save you hours of work.
When you make your thesis your number one priority at work, you can put all of your focus on what you need to do to graduate.
But, be patient with yourself, because it is difficult to change old habits.
If you are used to reacting to your environment, you may feel guilty starting your day by working on your thesis, and not responding to emails and text messages right away
What it they think I am ignoring them? you might wonder.
Some might think you are ignoring them, but the reality is that most people are too busy with their own lives to contemplate whether you are ignoring them.
Also, remember that the more you help needy people (we all know who they are), the more dependent they become on you.
When you reply to their emails, they will respond back to you with another question or demand.
You will actually be doing needy people a favor by responding less frequently to their demands, as they will be forced to become more independent.
Most importantly, when you make your thesis your number one priority at work, you will not have to sacrifice your health or progress on your research.
Remember that you came to graduate school to have better career opportunities and take care of yourself and your family, but you can only help others when you are healthy and productive.
Start by creating a better life for yourself, so you can give others the help and support they need.
Every graduate student has the right to get the academic and emotional support they need to finish their thesis.
Please share this article with a graduate student you care about, because everyone deserves to know that they are not alone.