Your Professor’s Bad Mood Probably Has Nothing to Do With You
“Dora, your question proves that you haven’t understood anything I taught so far in this course,” my professor said after I approached him after class with a question about that day’s lecture.
I don’t remember the question anymore, but I do remember feeling paralyzed not knowing how to reply, as he packed up his notes and left the classroom.
How could he say that when I got most of the questions right on the midterm? I thought.
Perhaps he was confusing me with someone else, but I spent the rest of the day reminiscing about his comment.
What was wrong with me? Did I really not understand anything in the class even though it was already the 2nd half of the semester?
As the term went on, I noticed that this professor had a “nice mode” and a “mean mode.”
For some reason, he liked certain students and treated them with respect no matter what questions they asked.
However, he was rude to most students, and dismissed their questions with “I think I just explained that” or “You should read the textbook more carefully.”
I felt frustrated trying to learn from someone who was so hostile, but I understood that there was nothing wrong with me, or the other students he treated so disrespectfully.
His poor behavior was a reflection of his personality, not a lack of diligence or intelligence among the students.
While I wished that I had a better instructor in the class (one whom I could actually learn from), this experience taught me how to deal with difficult professors, especially those who treated their students with disdain.
If Your Thesis Supervisor Doesn’t Respect You…You Need to Step Up
Remember that your professors (whether they are a lecturer or thesis supervisor) are paid to mentor you.
If your professor doesn’t give you the guidance you need to complete your coursework or finish your thesis, they aren’t doing their job.
It is common for students to feel guilty after an unpleasant meetings and wonder what they did wrong.
You may even lose your confidence or motivation, if you don’t feel supported by your thesis supervisor.
Unfortunately, you cannot change your professor’s personality, but you can change your behavior, which will impact your relationship and how your professor treats you.
Remember that ultimately it is your responsibility as a student to make sure that you finish your coursework or thesis, but it will be more challenging to complete your work, if your professor isn’t supporting you.
5 Signs that Your Thesis Supervisor Isn’t Taking Their Job Seriously
1. Treats you with disrespect
There is no excuse for disrespectful behavior. Even if you made a mistake or did not follow through on your assignments, your professor needs to convey this to you respectfully. Especially as an authority figure, your professor needs to treat you with respect, and let you know any discontentment on their end in a professional manner.
2. Does not respond to emails
In general, people expect a response to an email within 1-2 business days. It is a red flag if your professor does not respond to your emails within 3 days, especially if they repeatedly ignore your emails. It is possible that your professor does not read email and prefers to talk over the phone or meet in person, and if this is the case, you need to clarify it when you need their help.
3. Does not follow through on their promises
Professors are busy, and sometimes they make promises (write you a recommendation letter, review your manuscript) which they cannot keep. It is best if you make it easy for your professor to support you by being specific on where you need help, and drafting recommendation letters for them. Unfortunately, some professors repeatedly do not follow through on their promises, despite the best efforts on your end, which can be very disheartening.
4. Goes off on tangents during meetings
Did you ever walk out of a meeting with your supervisor wondering what you need to do next? Maybe you had a friendly conversation about your weekend, or a discussion about your thesis, but at the end of the meeting you didn’t have an action plan. Your time is precious, and if your supervisor goes off on tangents during meetings he or she is not respecting your time.
This is not to say that you can never have informal conversations about your life outside of work. But, if you are seeking guidance from your supervisor, and they are not supporting you during your meeting, it is time to speak up.
5. Does not take you or your ideas seriously
Did your supervisor ever dismiss your ideas without hearing you out? It can be embarrassing (especially in front of a group), if your professor treats you like an inferior. Remember, there is no such thing as a “silly question.” A good mentor encourages curiosity and learning, and sometimes, the most senior researchers ask the most basic questions such as “What was the motivation for your research?”.
5 Ways to Stay Confident When Your Thesis Supervisor Tries to Intimidate You or Bring You Down
1. Realize that your professor’s poor behavior is not about you. Before you think about what you should say in an embarrassing situation, you need to let go of any guilt that you may be feeling. This small shift in your mindset can help you to react to the situation in a professional way, so you don’t say anything you would regret later.
Remember that even if your thesis supervisor is a difficult person, you can still develop a professional relationship so you can work together.
2. Focus on your goals not your emotions. The most common reason that professional relationships get ruined is that one or both parties get emotional. As tempting as it may be to express your anger (and it would probably make you feel better), it will only lead to more conflicts with your supervisor. Leave all emotions out of the meeting, and focus on the end result you are trying to achieve.
For example, if your thesis supervisor becomes angry because you didn’t do your data analysis properly, you can respond by asking questions to clarify how they want you to do your data analysis in the future. The more focused you are and the less emotional you show during a discussion, the more likely it is that your professor will treat you with respect.
3. Speak up if you feel disrespected. Did your professor ever make derogatory remarks about you or your work? The best way to address these comments, is to ask them straight out to clarify why they made those remarks.
If you get a comment such as “You are really irresponsible because you….” respond by speaking up about what you did and why you did it a certain way, and ask them to clarify their remark. If you did make a mistake, just admit you made a mistake and move on. Confidence does not come from doing everything perfectly (no one is perfect), but from knowing that you have what it takes to complete your work.
4. Tell your professor you action plan and next steps. You don’t need your professor’s approval for everything. If they critique your work without offering you support, just let them know how you will continue your work on your own.
For example, if they say: “This chapter is completely incoherent, you really should have done a better job,” just let them know calmly that you will rewrite the chapter and when you will send them the next version.
Also keep in mind points 1 and 2 from above. You can stay calm and focused no matter how emotional your professors gets. You don’t have control over anyone else’s actions, but you can control over how you react to a situation. Reacting from a place of logic (what you need to do to complete your work), will always lead to better results than reacting from a place of emotion (how you feel about a situation ).
5. Seek help from others. While you can be assertive and confident regardless of your professor’s behavior, you will need to find help from another mentor if they are not giving you the academic guidance you need to complete your work.
Your mentor can be another student or researcher in the group, or another professor in your department. If your professor’s behavior gets in the way of completing your work, it is best to seek guidance from your department chair or a dean.
Remember that as a student you have the right to be treated with respect and get the support you need to complete your work. It is always best to try to resolve conflicts with your professor on your own before bringing a third person in, but keep in mind the support you have available if your professor continues to stand in the way of your research.
Stand up for yourself and do not let your supervisor intimidate you. Remember that you have control over how you react to a situation. You always have the option of staying silent until your professor calms down, and then communicate your ideas respectfully and with confidence.
While working with difficult people (especially thesis supervisors) can be extremely frustrating, this experience is actually great training for a career in both industry and academia.
In industry PhDs are usually hired into high-level positions and expected to take a leadership role in managing projects or junior-level researchers.
Some of the people you will supervise or collaborate with will be difficult, and learning how to stay confident in difficult situations will become an invaluable skill in making sure that you maintain strong professional relationships and keep projects on track, both of which are essential for career advancement.
If you go down the academic route, you will know first-hand how crucial proper mentoring is to help students complete their projects, and you will have several assertiveness tools under your belt to provide proper guidance to your group members (some of whom might be difficult people themselves).
In addition, you will be well equipped to establish collaborations with other professors (who will also come in a variety of different personality types) so you can advance your research and career.